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embryonic frog cells

December 2013




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Dec. 23rd, 2013

embryonic frog cells


On another note. I love reading. I love stories. I very, very rarely stop a book or a story before it's finished.

Two very nice people gave me amazon gift cards for this xmas. And I, of course, have been a giddy little schoolgirl browsing movies and books.

But I go to my favorite genre "Scifi Fantasy" and STILL am bombarded with nothing but Vampire lover and werewolf lover books.

Yes, before you go on your diatribe - I KNOW. A few people made a lot of money on some "zomg it's a vampire world" and I'm very happy for them. I've even read a few. However, none of them are standouts in my mind.

I'm not asking for there to be NO vampire lover/werewolf lover/changling lover anything. All I'm asking for is VARIETY.

I want to be able to walk into a book store, sit down where I can on the floor and see artwork by Michael Raymond Whelan again, gracing the covers of the books. Or others with his talent. There is no shame in reading a book that is CLEARLY a fantasy novel. Those covers are things of magnificence and beauty. They give you a visual snippet of what you might find within.

If you're ashamed of what you're reading they've got these magical devices called Kindles, Tablets, and Nooks now. NO ONE will ever know what you're reading. They'll probably think you're playing Candy Crush Saga.

I want to be able to go through the bookshelves and see vampire romances next to Kim Stanley Robinson, Greg Bear, Anne Bishop, Sarah Wishnevsky, Sarah Monette, Amanda Downum, Jay Lake etc. I want to be able to tell my friends that if I hand them a copy of Matthew Stover's Heroes Die to read they can easily find him in the stacks.

And I'm not just saying this because these people are friends or acquaintences. These people are GOOD, imaginative people, that write original thought provoking works.

As with any entertainment, you're only going to get out of a book or a movie, or even a set of lyrics, what you're looking to get out of it. If it's a candy read, or a thought provoking cannon masterpiece you'll get what you're looking for. I just want to be able to wander in to one of my favorite places in the world, settle down, and browse for hours to find a new book. And not have every. one. I. pick. up. be about the same damned cut out bit.

I've heard that there are formulas that certain authors have followed: David Eddings I believe said something along these lines - albeit I could be wrong But even those formulas that make our epic stories have variations.

Why is Game of Thrones so incredibly popular? I would go out on a limb and say that it's because George R. R. Martin took a formula, and twisted it into something new using his imagination. Something that appeals to a wider audience. He isn't the first to write an epic fantasy (and yes, I'm a fangirl, but that doesn't change the fact that he's not the first).

JK Rowling wasn't the first to write about wizardry and children. But she did it differently and she hit at the right time.

So yes, in the end, with all the popularity that Scifi and Fantasy are receiving these days, you would think that they would get a bit more love. I want my variety. Although, I suppose I'll just have to satisfy myself by finding my way to the used book stores where I can get lost in the stacks and find the variety I'm looking for.

As it stands, I search for my favorites and try to find new books/authors to my liking by digging online. It's just not the same though. And sometimes it makes me an irate sad monkey.

On that note /end soapbox.

Happy Holidays!

Nov. 3rd, 2013

embryonic frog cells

It's a little bit funny

So, it's been awhile. Awhile since I've been in anything more than a short term relationship. I think about this and I both smile at myself and shake my head. Growing up, I was always afraid to be the one left behind. And as I grew, I learned that people always leave. Sometimes for no discernable reason. You'll love them with everything in you, and they'll just be gone.
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Oct. 26th, 2013

embryonic frog cells

*cracks knuckles*

Well, hell. I know everyone has moved on for the most part. Journals remain dormant, and life goes forward. But I've just got the itch to write again. Part of me wants to return to my hidden journal and write there, and part of me wants to come here. And since I'm tired of hiding things... we'll start here.

You know, so many people equate storms with bad, and it baffles me. I love storms. The power, and the barely concealed wildness. It's like madness when the lightning crashes at night and the wind howls. But it's a gorgeous madness, that carries beauty and life with it. It makes my whole body sing, and takes my breath away.

So when I see those quotes and sayings about not worrying about the storm or waiting for it to pass I sit and say to myself - what about someone like me who waits for the storm to show? I know, I know, I know. I know they mean metaphorically. The whole bad moments in life as a storm thing. I get it.

But still. Think about it.
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In other news, both sad and not sad.

His Royal Highness Sir Thorby (Thor) left this world due to random poisoning last year. He and I fought gallantly to restore his health after he calmly and rationally attempted to save myself, Winnona, and Ty from the terrors of mice in the city. But he succumbed right before Christmas. My heart is still broken about his loss. So is Mistress Valkyrie's. He was her cat after all, more than anyone else's.

We also need to welcome a new member to the household. Her Royal Highness - Calipso. Calipso is a young tortishell kitten that followed me home one day. She's currently about 4 months old, and chasing Peepit and Valkyrie around. Her favorite game is attack-the-Valkyr-tail, and bat the mommy on the nose. She gives love-nibbles on the chin, and otherwise causes a ruckus.

Peepit is doing well, and is still Momma's little boy. He comes out and about more often now. Mostly to growl at males that come to visit. He doesn't really like other men in the house apparently.

Artemis is doing well, and my little pudge-kin. She's the Queen Bee these days and she lets everyone know it. She cuddles with the company, and keeps everyone else in check. Including me.

Lastly, my Valkyrie. I love this damned dog. I can't believe she's going to be 9 in two months. She has a smattering of gray on the bottom of her chin, and on the inside of her ears. But she's beautiful and perky, and oh so very protective of her momma. She likes when males come to visit, mostly. Unless they take her mom out without her, then she's not so happy.

Anyway, that's all for now, folks!

Oct. 27th, 2011


Opinions...If you don't like them, don't read on.

I am a very opinionated person. I always have been. I'm a very passionate person. I always have been. I don't often share my opinions because they are just that - Mine.. I don't want you to be pressing your opinions on me, my body, etc. I don't think you deserve for me to go out of my way to pressure you with my opinions. My opinions are flexible. Life, experiences, and time have shown me that opinions should be flexible. As we learn more, gain more knowledge and get exposed to various bits of life our background for our basis of opinions should grow.

I'm of the school of thought that if you ask my opinion I will share them. I'm not afraid of my opinions, I'm not afraid of the fact that you might have a valid argument that might change my opinions. I like discussing things. I just won't go out of my way to throw my opinions in your face.

That all being said, I'm about to use some word vomit and expel a number of opinions that you may or may not agree with in the following paragraphs. If you don't want to know, stop reading. If you do want to know, by all means, keep reading. If you want to discuss them, feel free. I'm more than open to anyone sharing their opinions and trying to persuade me to see their point of view - as long as it is respectful and thoughtfully done. Read more...Collapse )

Sep. 19th, 2011

embryonic frog cells

Books.. like Crack... only worse!

Urk, browsing books is like putting a crackhead in the middle of crack central with no restraints.

I've been such a good girl, attempting to narrow down my book selection. Buying books on my kindle on my phone (someday I'll have a real one) using only gift cards, or freebies.

I've a habit of reading more than one book at a time. So I'm currently embroiled in about 10 books. Some of them rereads that are mindless because they are stories i know inside out and backwards, the covers falling to pieces, from re-reading. Some of them are books that have been given to me by friends that I adore for feeding my addiction. Some of them passed along randomly at work.

I'm over halfway through "War of the Twins" of Dragonlance fame.

I've read and reread the Black Jewels Trilogy and the subsequent books about 40 billion times.

I picked up a new author for my silly girly days: Jennifer Crusie. She's romance, mystery, and a hell of a lot of laughter and adventure.

I've got my science-y book thanks to laura W that she shipped or me to poke at.

I've been rereading my way through Matt Stover's Caine books.

I have 3 different books on my phone that i poke through depending on the day. One is a Jack London novel I've never read.

JT from work passed over a book called Angelology which sounds downright interesting. (Which, when I finish I will pass on to Janell :P)

But through all of this, I've done my best to not to give in to the temptation that has always been my ultimate downfall The Buying of Books (TM).

You can stick me in a book store of any type, with all the time in the world, and I will hunker down and touch everything. I love the smell of bookstores. I love the atmosphere of quiet excitement, anger, and thrill. You don't have to be quiet in a bookstore, but most people generally are. People get lost in their searches for information, for escape, for excitement. I love being able to turn around after browsing for as long as I want in one section and going to browse and change lanes in my traffic filled mind to address another curiosity or need.

I get lost in bookstores. I lose hours just going through, reading, and exploring. I go to bookstores when I'm feeling adrift and just let my mind wander. When I was growing up books and my pets were the most constant thing in my life. It makes me sound like an uber nerd, and slightly pathetic, but I'm ok with that. My family was wonderful, and I had some good friends, but I was never quite sure who was going to stick around.

At one point I had well over 5000 books. Then I got divorced and lost some. Then I sold or donated over 1500 books last fall to narrow down my footprint as I try on being transient for a little while. I scolded myself and told myself that I couldn't afford books at the moment, that I couldn't play in bookstores because to let myself go in and enjoy would lead to me spending money I couldn't afford. It would lead to me bringing home things I didn't have the space for. I'm a book packrat. I honestly do go back and read them, again and again.

I have a few friends of the best sort that have slowly been plying me with my addiction either through books, gift cards, or just letting me nerd out to them about books. It allows me the outlet that i don't allow myself.

But tonight, I found a gift card that I didn't realize I still had. So... I'm browsing online, trying to pick up a couple of books that I know I want from some of my favorite authors. It's not the same as going into the store, probably safer, but not the same.

But yes, dear readers. An easy way to my heart? Take me book shopping. I don't have to buy anything, but taking me to a bookstore and letting me loose will endear you to me like nothing else. Encouraging me to read and to explore my mind is a softspot. Discussing my books with me? Telling me your favorite bits and actually listening to me talk about mine? You're golden, sugar. Absolutely freaking golden, and lovely.

Also? Mixing my favorite holiday (Christmas) with my favorite place (bookstores) is like the Garden of Eden for me. It's one of my favorite things to do over the holiday season. Pack into a favorite bookstore, get a cup of joe, find some books, and just chill. I'm a people watcher too, so it's perfect.

Sep. 13th, 2011

embryonic frog cells

long week

I made it through the week. Holy hell. There ain't nothing like a week of being hopped up on benedryl to get through. I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, although I believe I will be hitting up the St. Croix River on a paddle boat for Nona's birthday, which should be fun.
Sunday is supposed to be 2 bbq day, which I may or may not attend. One is with family.

Monday mom and I are heading back out to the fair, for mom and daughter time. I think I need this. I'm good with being alone, I've just been feeling lonely lately. And in need of some comfort from the one source that I know will always love me no matter what. Mom and I have been close since... oh... forever. She drives me batty sometimes, but I love her to bits.

Then starts the grind. I work every weekend (I think, I have to double check) up till my surgery. I still have to swap out one weekend after my surgery to be on teh safe side. Next week I need to schedule my physical for the 2 weeks prior, get my paperwork in to the insurance company and to work. (Lots of faxing in my future) I need to get my SS card changed, and get things set up and easy to go around the house.

My plate is getting full. And I'm a wee bit scared. But me and fear? Yeah, we butt heads often. And usually I win.

Happy Friday folks!

Aug. 26th, 2011

Stay Back

Scars and Lines That Shall Not Be Crossed. (For Lizzy)

I've been a nerd since I was a little girl. Books have always been my friends, my refuge, my teachers. I devour anything in written form. I've taken stories in and interpreted them in my own fashion and put them to use for myself. Even the most silly writing has always held a message for me.

One of the biggest things that bothers me in life (in the fashion of: I'm going to growl at you and lash out if you exhibit said "thing" around me) is the whole "Woe is me, my life has been horrible". Because you know what? Yours and everyone else's. No offense, but the things that you consider horrible and damaging may not affect someone else, and their horrors may never touch you.

We all have scars and boundaries. We all have those lines we can't cross no matter how hard we push. The difference in all of us? Some of us push those boundaries daily. Push ourselves to the point that we shake as we try to stretch beyond them. And sometimes we push those boundaries out a little further because we simply refuse to be bound by the damage that was done in the past. And some of us? We huddle in our corners, in our refuges and whimper when we approach those boundaries at all.

A favorite author of mine, who was introduced to me by Jason, (not literally in this case, which is sad. There is much i would love to say to Anne Bishop and some of it might even be fan girly) wrote the following in The Shadow Queen: Read more...Collapse )

Aug. 14th, 2011

Not my best day ever

Misery, Hope, and a Valley of Great Ideas.

Note to self: when planning on working hard one should probably sleep a little in between working shifts. It would appear that a.) you really DO need your brain some days, b.) your body functions better when you get sleep, and c.)you're able to control your emotions a shit ton better when you sleep.

So, idiot, sleep tonight. You need it. You have to be AWESOME tomorrow at work.

The last month or so has been full of this strange breath of anticipation in the air. It's like every day I wake up and life is just telling me that something's coming. I don't know what. I can feel it in the thrill over my skin some days. The kiss of the air on my face. I can't explain it except in textures and feelings.

It haunts my dreams and shows me things. Not in detail, but in dream detail. Things that would make sense no other place make sense there. And that feeling of anticipation, of change, of "spring" in a sense is still there.

Before the marriage ended I was always feeling like I was bottled up, chained up inside myself. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel, I couldn't think. To think the words was to make everything real and the world would come crashing down again. It was a horrible feeling, one that still takes my breath away, even in memory.

This almost feels like I'm ready to fly. Like everything's changed in a way that's going to let me soar. I don't know what I'm waiting for in a complete sense. I DO know what I'm waiting for in a multitude of things. I DO know what I've been healing, growing, and aiming for. I just don't know why the anticipation. Why the feeling of happiness incoming.

I don't know if I was born with an insane reservoir of hope, or if it was something my family started teaching me young. I believe that everyone deserves a choice, and everyone has the chance to change things for the better. Including me. Including you. And sometimes, on the rougher days of life, the ability to make those choices keeps me rolling when everything else is screeching to a stop.

Anyway it rolls, even when I'm as exhausted as I am today. With the cluster that work was today, and me ending my day just wanting to come home and crawl into a ball and hide, I won't hide. That inner resilience and feeling of anticipation is telling me today is just another day. In the end this day is just a footstep on the way to what I am dreaming of all the time.

sometimes I wonder if I really do sound like the fruitcake I think I sound like in my head ;P

Jul. 6th, 2011

Stay Back

So, I have too much time to think.

Sometimes, I have too much time to think.

This can be a good thing, or a bad thing. It's good when I'm just standing there doing my job and I shunt one part of my brain off to do imaginary things that amuse me while doing the less than taxing (brain-wise) portions of my job. These portions are relaxing some days.

It's a bad thing when my brain gets over-engaged with things that it should really just blow off.

So anyway, today was a quiet day, other than the hilarity of going through the apps for my phone at lunch and laughing my ass off with Jason A. (An app called "Sex Sounds"?? Really?) And I ended up making a few quiet decisions about my life. Funny thing about me, it might take me a long time to make a decision, however when I make it, I stick to it. Through the ups, the downs, and the in-betweens.

1. For about 9/10ths of the stuff in my life I've been stressing about? I don't flipping CARE anymore. You don't make it my problem, it ain't my problem.

2. If you have an issue with me, you're angry at me, or you simply don't like me anymore, alright. If you don't have the guts to come to my face and tell me that I did something wrong, or am doing something to hurt you - not my problem. I will not let you hurt me any longer.

3. If you've made no outright claim to me (and had it approved by me), and you can't be bothered to ask me a straight forward question and get yourself a straight forward response I don't have time to worry about you anymore. I'm not explaining myself, or my decisions, or what I'm doing.

3a. If you do have a claim to me and you want to know? ASK. I've always been open enough to 1. tell you the answer straight up, or 2. tell you that's not something I'd like to discuss.

3b. If you want to make a claim to me and my time? ASK. Don't flipping assume. Say: "Hey, Jenn, we're buds right?" or "Hey Jenn we're more than buds, right?" or "Can we be not-friends anymore?"

4. Basically, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just done. I got crap to get done, and responsibilities of my own. I've been shy, but I've never walked away from a straight up confrontation, or a straight up question. I believe in honesty, honor, and responsibility. It's how I was raised. I'm not perfect, and if you're going to judge me on other people's words, or by other people's ethics and morals you're not right for me.

And on that note, I'm going to go do stuff with my evening. G'night folks.

Jun. 28th, 2011

embryonic frog cells

I love my life.

I've been having a quixotic couple of weeks. I spent a lot of the last 6 or so months just pulling back and being quiet. Letting my body and mind just rest. I haven't always rested easily, but I've rested.

About 2 months ago I started wondering where my temper went. I rarely lose my temper, but it doesn't mean I don't have one. I started wondering where my passion went. I've always been opinionated and passionate. I just don't always open my mouth and share said opinions or passions.

About a month ago my temper snuck up and slapped me across the face and said: "Hai Bitch! I'm here!" And I said: "oooh!" and have been struggling to not slap out at people that don't deserve it while I try to figure out exactly what I'm angry about. So I've been even more quiet if that's humanly possible.

Anyway, fast forward to yesterday and today. Things have been rubbing me wrong for a bit and I've been biting my tongue knowing that really it's not the specific instances getting me all worked up into a tither, but that underlying anger trying to find an outlet. An inappropriate one.

I worked some of it out yesterday, and a bit more today. Then came home today and decided to take the upset bouncy dog down to the beach for a swim and some sun. She was doing her thing Read more...Collapse )

The reason this is important to me? Other than the obvious, that is. It's the perfect metaphor for my life.

Sometimes you have to deal with the sad, disgusting, and gross in order to have a hope of a chance at something better.

I'll always do what needs to be done, even if it hurts or if it grosses me out or makes me sad. Because even with the rough decisions and the hard choices there's always a possibility of life afterward. There's always hope.

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